Instead of avoiding what I don’t want, I’m at peace with what I do want

Think for a second about why you don’t want to do things.

When you have that thing you need to do or feel you should do…

…but you just…can’t…do…it.

What is at the heart of your saying no to it?

Say someone calls you and invites you to speak on a panel in front of three thousand people on a topic you know little about.

It’s like someone punched you in the chest.

What stops you jumping for joy and saying yes immediately?

The feeling.

Whether it’s the thought or the image or the feeling that comes first, it doesn’t matter. Chicken and the egg.

Ultimately it is the feeling that stops you.

The pressure just above your solar plexus. The pull on your throat. The heat that ripples across your belly.

I get it. Feelings seem inconsequential, vague and ‘not serious enough.’

I always thought the same thing. I like order, and logic and facts.

But negative feelings — and avoiding them — has brought me more anguish than I care to admit. It has stopped me from living the life of my dreams.

How we deal with what we feel in our bodies is crucial.

Most of us navigate life on survival mode. We’ve been hurt so much and seen such horror that dreaming is out of the question.

Going for what we truly want is laughable.

A mansion in the hills with three cars? Don’t make me laugh! Hahaha.

I’m hurting, and I must survive.

Most of us are obsessed with what we do not want. We focus on what we desperately must avoid. We are more in control that way, aren’t we?

“The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” ~Brian Tracy

But focusing on darkness makes us feel worse. It brings more of it into our lives. And if we do have goals, we keep butting up against the feelings that block us from getting there.

We’re either avoiding what we don’t want or forcing ourselves towards dreams that aren’t realised because of how we feel.

What we need, instead of more gasoline, is to remove the breaks that hold us from almost effortlessly moving to where we want to go.

Make sense?

Those negative sensations are your recurring blocks, and they can disappear.

To do this, rather than trying to intellectualise all the things holding you back by putting them into words, we focus on the feelings that emerge when associated with specific questioning.

“The greatest gift is not being afraid to question.” ~Ruby Dee

Ask yourself, what is stopping you from:

Feeling great talking to new people?
Walking up to Sally and asking her out?
Building a hugely successful online business?
Getting on stage and giving that talk?
Starting and writing the essay?
Calling up Nathan and saying sorry?

Ask yourself the question. Then see what feelings come up in response. They could be subtle.

Get intimate with those feelings. Where are they in your body? What do they look like? What colour are they? Shape?

Where is the most intense part of that feeling?

Describe them in your mind as they emerge.

Stay with those feelings and get inside them. Inhabit them.

You may see images float up. Memories. Allow them to come and go, but focus on the feeling.

Acknowledge them. Send them love, and they will gradually shift or disappear. It’s like they can finally stop sending you these sensory warnings.

It’s like you are telling them after all these years, that it’s ok, you notice them, you appreciate what they are telling you, and they can go now, in peace.

“Self-awareness is increased much more rapidly by observing feelings rather than thoughts. The thoughts associated with even one feeling may literally run into the thousands.

The understanding of the underlying emotion and its correct handling is, therefore, more rewarding and less time-consuming than dealing with one’s thoughts.” ~David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

This is how you make peace with what is holding you back and what you want in life.

It could take a few sessions. There are often layers of these feelings, like a tangled, chaotic nest. Or an onion.

But they will go.

You will know it because the intensity will be gone.

It is an incredibly powerful exercise because you can see the change right there, in real time. It will work.

We’re not done yet, reader. Listen in…

The most powerful exercise, and perhaps the only one you need — the mother of all practices, is the following.

Get comfy, and ask yourself this question:

What is stopping me from loving myself deeply this moment?

It is the denial of your self that stops you moving almost effortlessly through life.

So do the core exercise, asking yourself:

What is stopping me from loving myself deeply?

Unblock your love and your acceptance of your total truth by being aware of those feelings until the channels are clear.

You will feel improvements in all areas of life, just by doing this.

Self-love at the level of feeling is the most potent thing either holding you back, if it is lacking, or bringing incredible stuff into your life.

This is the core exercise and may be all you need for moving forward again.

But you can also spend time every day being conscious about what you want and seeing what blocks come up. It may be better to get specific so that you bring up more feelings that can be worked on.

Of course, you will need to combine this with actually doing things, but this will become easier.

Give yourself the advantage of being clear, then do what you need to do.

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I’d love to hear what you think. I appreciate all comments.

What makes you come alive?