Men, these 12 subtle behaviours make you instantly more attractive:

I’ve always considered myself a decent-looking guy (my mum certainly seems to think so).

But I haven’t always been attractive to the ladies and people in general. In fact, there have been many moments in my 37 years where I actively repelled people.

I was frequently surprised by this. I’ve been geeking out on human behaviour for years as a result.

These subtle behaviour changes helped me the most:

Stop trying to be confident.

This makes us even more self-conscious. When we try to be ‘charismatic and cool,’ we’re thinking about how we’re coming across.

When we have lots on our mind, guess what happens? We get anxious and perform poorly because we’re overly self-aware.

Like I did, you will find relief by just dropping the need to do anything.

Just be, enjoy yourself, and your attraction will rise.

Slow down.

Rushing disadvantages us in a few ways. Firstly, it sends out a subtle indication of perceived lower status — that we are not at ease in our environment.

Slowing down means we’re relaxed in uncertainty, which is a highly confident trait. Secondly, we make life harder when we rush because things move so quickly.

This immediately puts us on the back foot, and we will be nervous, and stumble.

Be playful.

Most of us lose the playful and curious spirit of childhood too young.

But playfulness is the secret language of life and will connect you to wisdom, solutions and other people like nothing else. To play is to align with the unpredictable, chaotic and light-hearted nature of reality.

Playfulness is who we are at the core, and when we operate from here, you’ll be surprised how effortlessly people are drawn to you.

Make others look better.

So many of us spend all our time trying to impress. We’re self-conscious, we brag, and we look goofy and try-hard.

Better to forget all that and put your attention to making others look better, funnier or more important or intelligent than you.

Now you’re the leader. This is the game-changer.

Never take things personally.

Taking yourself seriously is the ultimate attraction-killer. I know this from personal experience.

This doesn’t mean that being a submissive pushover is the alternative. Attractive people never make things about them. They are free because they respond neither to approval nor disapproval.

They just enjoy themselves regardless.

Don’t smile at everything.

Be selective in your smiling. I.e. smile when you want to, not when you think you should, to come across as ‘nice.’

You are your own man, unswayed by the need to conform. I don’t mean to be intentionally moody — this is, again, try-hard.

Just know that smiling too much is often a manipulative act designed to influence another, and people will sense it.

Stop trying to impress.

Trying to impress and please other people is an outcome-dependent behaviour developed in childhood to please our parents.

This is very different to serving people, which comes from a place of value and genuine, caring intention. When I make you laugh without expecting anything in return, this is serving.

When I am honest with you to help you, this is serving.

Serving is attractive. Impressing and bragging is unattractive.

Take up more space.

Those at ease in their environment and assume a high status subtly take up a little extra space.

Whether you have actual ‘societal status’ or not doesn’t matter. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you don’t meekly minimise your presence.

Be unattached to the outcome.

If you want things to be a certain way, you will act needy, weird and awkward. For example, you’re on a date, and you get confidence-tested by her.

You respond with annoyance because you’re reliant on harmony in the conversation. Instant drop in attraction.

One of the most attractive things you can do is nurture an ‘outcome independence,’ which signals that you don’t care either way.

You are your own man with options.

Prioritise your path.

Even if they verbally disagree, women will lose attraction for you if you prioritise her over your goals.

Men who chase and pedestalise women communicate that they lack ambition and need to manipulate people to get what they want.

Women make excellent and highly attractED companions when they see you prioritising your mission over all else.

Talk less.

The more you reveal about yourself, the less people will see you as mysterious.

You’re also much less likely to say dumb shit when you’re yapping the whole time. It also comes across as needy. Focus on them. Make them look good and ask genuine questions.

Listen to them. You will hear their secrets and come across as calm, intriguing, and attractive.

Stop controlling.

It’s easy for alpha-male types to get into the habit of telling people what to do. They take on a dominating approach.

This can be appropriate here and there, such as leading people and children when they need support.

But often, we can put too much into telling others what to do instead of showing and being the inspiration. You will bring a lot of stress onto yourself if you wish to change others. Most will not budge.

People warm to you when you leave them alone verbally and do your thing well.

This is inspiring and attractive.

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