How to truly give less of an F about what others think

I’ve spent my whole life worrying too much about what others think.

It turned me into a jumpy, self-conscious mess.

When I’d ‘give an F,’ it’s because I wanted people to like me. I tried to exert a tight-fisted control on my experience.

Yeah, good luck with that.

This need for control makes us uptight and steals our freedom.

I needed to change. So I geeked out on ways to handle it for over a decade. A lot doesn’t work.

I’ve learned that caring about what others think is 100% linked to our fear of judgement.

It isn’t about caring less. We’d be robots if so.

We need to attach less meaning — less PAIN — to potential judgement from people.

SO, let’s look at the ways we can fear judgement less.

Understanding the following made all the difference for me.

It allowed me to be myself again:

1. Criticism has no effect on your self-worth.

Others have literally no power to decrease your self-esteem. None.

It only seems like it because we think it in our minds. Self-worth isn’t a thing. It’s just an idea.

This thought can be dropped instantly.

You are immune. Immerse yourself in this reality for a moment. You are free in this simple understanding.

2. Being criticised is a sign you are living.

You are polarising; you are in the arena, not sitting on the sidelines.

This is a good thing. You are on the right track. You can’t succeed if you aren’t willing to be rejected or judged.

Seek out more rejection, even. It’s a sign. This is what winners do.

3. If and when someone criticises you, it can only ever be a projection of their own fear.

People only feel the need to criticise, judge or hate when they are insecure.

Those genuinely at ease with themselves would never feel the need to criticise.

As such, when they do, they aren’t revealing anything about you. It is on them. In this way, you can scope out judgements from others like you’re a social anthropologist.

How people behave can become a source of curiosity and fascination for you rather than a source of fear.

4. It is NEVER personal.

Look at rejection with a rational head.

Too often, we take someone’s saying NO to us personally.

Rejection is never about you or your self-worth. It is always situational.

Maybe your breath stinks. Perhaps your behaviour was misinterpreted. Maybe that person wasn’t ready for your product. Maybe they’re depressed.

They could have been projecting. They may have doubted themselves, so they said no.

It is never personal.

You can get breath mints. You can find someone who IS ready. You can find someone who is more logical or confident in themselves.

I get it, but stop making everything about you.

5. Finally, understand we are ALL flawed.

Everyone is worried about what others think. I’m serious.

There is a wholesome beauty in seeing this. We are all flawed, weird and concerned humans.

This connects us.

Thinking you are the only one only emphasises a sense of isolation and increases anxiety.

We can enjoy being human again when we can see how flawed we all really are.

We can enjoy being ourselves.

Final call to action:

Internalise these ideas, and then go out into the world and take small risks.

The more you act in the face of potential rejection by people, the more you can risk being embarrassed, the more immune to this kind of (normal) fear you will become, and the fewer Fs you will give.

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