6 subtle behaviours that make introverts 15X happier

Years of being secretly overjoyed at cancelled social arrangements have taught me much.

The proper habits are all it takes to experience more joy more of the time.

These changed my life:

Let go of the need to be ‘15X’ happier.

Now that I’ve reeled you in with a tantalising hook (;-)), we need to start here: stop trying to be happy.

The pursuit only reminds us that we aren’t ‘happy.’ Happiness isn’t a thing anyway.

We’re going to experience a host of emotions all through the day, and how good we feel shouldn’t be conditional on your bank balance or the size of your Medium following.

I want you to try this now: ask yourself: ‘what if I have everything I need right now?’

The happiest introverts realised long ago that to live well is to know you already have it all. Stop looking for ways to BECOME happy, and do things BECAUSE you’re already happy.

Be a social ‘first-mover.’

Introverts — as I know too well — are liable to fall into the habit of avoiding social interaction.

As you read this, you know very well that disappearing into oblivion isn’t exactly healthy.

I’ve argued many times before — introverts are not anti-social. In fact, it’s our very desire to create and maintain connections that can create conflict and avoidance — because we want so keenly to get it right.

A habit that has helped me nourish the ‘social’ part of my brain is to continually keep in touch with people.

Reaching out first, even if they made no effort in years to talk to me, puts me in a leadership position.

This maintains a strong network, which is good for business, but it also keeps my mental health optimal.

Regularly check in with your strengths.

You must detach yourself from the idea that what others are doing indicates what you ‘should’ do.

Use yourself as a guide, not Jake on Twitter. Experiment tons and take action. Then, be hyper-vigilant about what works for you, and be cheerfully biased toward doing more of those things.

That’s the golden rule. Do more of what works, and do less of those things that drain you.

Develop your superhuman awareness.

Introverts are more prone to over-analysis.

I know this because I’m an analytical freak, and it’s made me depressed.

Our powers of analysis and perception give us a huge advantage when we use this tool well. This needs to be treated with care, however, like you would a weapon.

Be ruthless in turning away from any thoughts that make you feel stressed. Stress is the guide. Use it.

Secondly, double down on your perceptive strength, and explore your capacity to be aware.

Awareness is the antithesis to worry. Observe the world around you — as often as you can — with the same vigour as you would biting into a cheesecake after a week of fasting.

You needn’t worry that you’re ‘missing valuable thinking time’ because the best insights come to you effortlessly when you’re at ease. You know this.

Be discerning with artificial stimulation.

I know from personal experience how overwhelmed I can be when I allow in a lot of external stimulation.

Yes, this applies to all, but I’ve found ‘introverts’ need to be particularly wary.

Whether social media use, smoking, energy drinks, porn, zoom calls or online videos, fake stimulation can wreak havoc.

Why?

Simply put: dopamine exhaustion.

If we fry our pleasure sensors with fake stimuli all day, we drastically reduce the effectiveness of those same sensors to give us pleasure in response to ‘normal’ stuff — like creating art, walks in nature and physical intimacy.

Be cautious and highly protective over what you allow in, and you will experience more energy, more motivation, and more exuberance for the simple things.

Stop labelling yourself as an ‘introvert.’

I’ll tell you part of the reason why you continually sabotage your success: you’re living for your labels.

The identities we construct guide behaviour. If we think of ourselves as ‘introverts’, we instantly take on the traits according to our own interpretation of what ‘introvert’ means to us — namely, socially awkward and bookwormy.

Books are cool, but don’t let the label limit you. You are a life force. You are a little more sensitive to stimulation; that’s it.

Follow what energises you, drop any story about the kind of person you ‘think’ you are and be whoever you need to be.

The world benefits the most from you as you are.

Label-free.

Energised and relentlessly taking ownership at every step.

This is where your greatest potential lies.

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