Do you want the absolute best for yourself?

I know this has not always been true for me.

What if your personal problems — yes, the ones you’re dealing with right now — the anxiety, the character flaws, the struggles with money, the nervous blushing — what if…

What if the reason you think of them as problems and continue to suffer, is because you want these problems in your life?

You want them.

*Sadistic laughter*

Because the very essence of being human is in the fact that we are goal-seeking creatures.

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.” ~Napoleon Hill

We live to fulfil our targets and our convictions, and we are incredibly efficient at doing this.

We align with absolutely everything we want, without fail.

What makes us different from any other living being, is our ability to create a vision and to conform to it.

If your vision for yourself is anything less than your absolute full potential, you will create problems where there don’t need to be any.

I know that ‘full potential’ sounds phoney and ethereal and over-used, but that’s the best way I can describe it. It’s living a life that is continually leaning into its furthest reaches of joy, love, creativity, and brilliance.

Does that make sense?

The philosopher and psychologist Alfred Adler said that the traumas and problems we have in our lives are there, not because of what happened to us in the past, but because of what we want.

If you don’t truly want the best for yourself, you will have all kinds of other convictions that reinforce this, such as overeating or wanting to have people feel sorry for you.

We are goal-driven machines. We are oriented to the future, not the past. That’s how we were built.

In this regard, you may have social anxiety right now, not because you were bullied at school or at home, but because you want to avoid the judgements of people now and in the future.

At some point or another, you made a pact with yourself, to avoid closeness with people (by viewing people as a threat, for example). You ‘took on’ social phobia, not as an affliction or character flaw, but as an excuse — a reason — a means to be in total alignment with your vision — your goal for yourself.

You will continue to have anxiety and stay depressed if you rely on reasons to stay in alignment with your goal to have these issues.

It fits your ‘story’ beautifully.

To step out of the story, create a new story:

That you live the life of someone, who wants the best for yourself.

I’m not saying that things like depression and anxiety, and disease are not real, nor that they aren’t painful and often debilitating. They are very real. But, they need only be hurdles in our lives when we want them to be.

And often, when we no longer see them as problems, they cease to exist. They linger because we need them to be there.

‘How can we be the victim without these problems?’

We need them. We want them.

To fulfil our vision; to reinforce our story.

In the case of disease, or the death of a loved one, it might be impossible to avoid. But what can be avoided is choosing to view this as an impediment to being our best selves with the cards dealt. That is the difference here.

This is also a hugely liberating idea. Only we can affect change. We must take full responsibility. We are in complete control of our lives and, as such, we can create the experiences we want.

Only by making a new conviction: to be continually moving towards your utmost, fullest potential, will you ever be wholly unshackled by victim-thinking.

And if you think about it, you can’t fail if you’re continually moving to your best self. There is no end. You’re always learning.

Another example:

Many cling to poverty or low-income, because they made a (perhaps unconscious) decision at some point to avoid wealth, or avoid being seen as a ‘rich’ person, or there was merely a mental ceiling to how much they felt they could earn.

It is never because of the things that happened to them because everything is a hurdle that can be overcome.

“If you are born poor it’s not your mistake, But if you die poor it’s your mistake.” ~Bill Gates

Problems are only problems because we need them to be.

Look inside yourself now, and find what your convictions really are. What is a recurring issue for you?

It might be anxiety, or it might be anger, or it might be your addiction to social media or games.

Then ask yourself whether it might be this way, not because of what happened to you — not because of your parents, or school or Mark Zuckerberg, but because it’s what you want.

How might the way you want your life to be, affect how your life is?

Read that again — think about that.

How might the way you want your life to be, affect how your life is?

What you avoid is as much a target as what you desire. Avoidance is desire.

Might it be that your main struggles right now are persisting because they fit your goals?

Then ask:

Do I want the absolute best for myself in all areas?

Do you?

If not, change your conviction today. Decide to be the absolute best version of who you could possibly be. That is your upgraded goal. Your new desire.

Envision it. Write it down. What would you be doing in your life? Take it even further. Now a little more. Feel it.

Does it feel exciting? A tad crazy and scary? It should.

The most crucial part of this is that you take action right away in answer to this vision. The vision will strengthen the more you take aligned action.

What’s that first, tiny step?

Take the step, and your life is already changing dramatically.

If you are not continually stepping into the void — that uncertain, uncomfortable but exhilarating space — that crucible for growth — I’m afraid you aren’t living.

There is no calling. No path laid out for you.

You create it for yourself.

When you aren’t committed to your fullest potential, you leave room for excuses.

You are — to some degree — a victim. That is why you cling to your challenges. That is why you suffer unnecessarily.

You want to suffer.

Choose, instead, to win.


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Image credit: Luis Quintero

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