10 subtle behaviours that are killing your ability to lead with brilliance

You don’t need to be the CEO of a glitzy corporation to be a leader.

We lead as small biz owners. We lead when we write and share online. We lead as siblings. We lead as coaches. We lead in our schools. We lead our families.

We all have the capacity in us to move those who matter to us.

Over my years as a human behaviour geek, these are the behaviours I see again and again in poor leaders that block you from making the impact you desire:

They avoid appearing flawed.

Great leaders know that they need to be relatable to inspire people to action.

If a leader is seen as too ‘perfect,’ they will not inspire trust but rather detachment.

Great leaders are willing to expose some flaws to encourage others to be ok with theirs.

Are aloof, act superior, or submissive.

Great leaders communicate with those around them as equals, whether it’s the bathroom attendant or their top manager.

This doesn’t mean the hierarchical order is ignored, whether in a company or a family.

Hierarchies are there for a good reason, but they are challenging to maintain when members feel looked down on.

They will resist this, leaving the ‘leader’ confused at his lack of impact. A great leader ultimately seeks to make others look and feel good.

They lie.

If a leader resorts to telling lies to maintain ‘order’ in his leadership, he is doomed.

Lies have a short shelf life. They will either eventually be unearthed or pollute the environment because people sense something is ‘off.’

When information is sensitive, it can be withheld, but great leaders always tell the truth.

Politically correct.

You need to tread with care here. I’m talking about leaders who have no interest in sugar-coating or straight delusion as a means to impress their followers.

They are willing to lose societal brownie points to serve their people best. They are ok with upsetting a few to serve the majority. I don’t care how ‘kind’ an image you’re presenting.

We can all smell your bullshit, and when we do — we do not respect you — even if we pretend to.

Instruct, but don’t show.

The best leaders are intentional about encouraging others to be courageous.

But they will have trouble if they do not demonstrate it in their own actions.

When an opportunity presents itself, they let go of their need for self-protection, step up to the plate, and astound with their bravery.

Lose frame.

The best leaders understand ‘frame-control.’ In fact, this is THE secret to outstanding leadership.

What is ‘frame?’

It is to exert your ‘reality’ as a leader while maintaining harmony. When an employee is abusive, the worst ‘leaders’ will react with anger, thus losing frame and respect.

The best leaders hold frame by remaining calm, even if they want to shout, thus enforcing a paradigm of psychological status and maturity that others will ultimately follow.

Rely on ‘expectations.’

A very common mistake I see leaders make is basing the effectiveness of their operations on assumptions.

They expect people to behave a certain way and are upset when those expectations are not met.

Maybe Joe expects his sales team to continue hitting higher numbers, but many don’t.

Instead of using the ‘hope strategy,’ great leaders continually make firm contracts with people on what matters.

People respond far better to clear, spoken, win-win agreements.

Now their people have something to prove instead of something against which to rebel.

Ignore the bigger picture.

Good leadership is about moving others to support the realisation of a mission that goes beyond everyone involved.

This gets people out of their personal woes and is a powerful element in energising the collective.

Find an emotional cause or set of values and commit yourself and everyone on board to that aim.

Not results-focused.

It’s not about being ‘busy’ to maintain the illusion that things are happening. This is a total waste of valuable time and energy.

The best leaders are continually aware of the need to produce results in the direction of their stated objectives.

Avoid the uncomfortable truths.

Most ‘leaders’ avoid the real issues because they are scared.

Great leaders are willing to turn up the flame and broach topics that take courage and can potentially upset and trigger.

Why?

Because they know that solutions lie beyond discomfort. They are willing to go where few dare in service of finding solutions.

They use compassion in their approach, but they don’t avoid the needed, uncomfortable conversations.

We all have the capacity in us to be outstanding leaders.

It takes awareness and care.

Your impact on the world is within reach.

—

Get your free illustrated booklet:

If you enjoyed this, you will love my free booklet for you:

‘The 12 Habits of Mentally Strong People.’

Yours free today for a short time, when you subscribe to my newsletter.